Six months of chemotherapy + bilateral mastectomy +six weeks of daily radiation = who the hell knows.
After all the active treatment, I was told that the chemotherapy didn’t “have the effect [they] had hoped it would.” The surgery on the other hand was considered a success and they believe they got all of the tumors. The radiation was more of a precautionary measure as my recurrence numbers are at about 50%. So, in the end, I went through all that and have a 50/50 chance of doing it all over again. Not the best odds, no.
So, after almost a years worth of treatment, I am often asked the question, “Are you better? Are you a ‘Survivor’?” In the face of this I often stammer and say…”Well, yes, but it’s complicated.” This is–by far–the best answer I’ve ever seen to a question that is too nuanced and depressing for me to answer on most days. In one fell swoop, it sums up what I either can’t or won’t say on any given day.
I look forward to enjoying long-standing membership in the 60 percent club.
When my stepmother was dealing with breast cancer/nine lymph node involvement over twenty years ago, her doc said, “I don’t really care about the odds; my plan is to put you on the right side of them.”
I’ve already put you there on the right side of the odds. I don’t just think you’re a survivor; I know you’re a thriver.
Comment by Sarah Buttenwieser — October 11, 2011 @ 8:58 pm |
Yeah, you know…the whole Komen rah-rah movement, “survivors, whoo!” and “if you have a positive attitude, you’ll beat cancer” (unspoken subtext: it’s totally your fault if you don’t beat it)…it’s horrible. “I bought the yogurt with the pink lid so I’m on your team, and you better prove yourself worthy and be a Happy Survivor.”
Here’s wishing you the lifelong remission everyone deserves.
Comment by Amy_Rey — October 12, 2011 @ 1:09 am |
I know you and everyone else don’t want to go through it again, but separate from the possibility of being “better/cured”, do you think you’re somehow better for the experience?
Comment by Ken Shapiro — October 12, 2011 @ 9:42 pm |
I’m trying this again, since my first attempt didn’t apparently go through. The gist of it was along the lines of a question you asked me – health aside and acknowledging that no one wants you to go through this again, do you feel better as a person, for the experience? From my perspective, you couldn’t possibly be any better than you already are.
Comment by Ken Shapiro — October 18, 2011 @ 10:56 pm |
As always … well said, well said.
Comment by Peter — November 14, 2011 @ 4:54 pm |